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A birthday celebration

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We had a special birthday celebration for my best friend this last weekend, my husband.  We celebrated all weekend long, in between all of his work.  We went to the beach for some surfing, breakfast, dinners, and even a homemade cake!  If you couldn’t tell, we like to eat.  I hope you all had a wonderful weekend.

Happy Birthday honey, you’re one in a million!

I love you…

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daves bday 027^^^Some friends of ours were over when Dave arrived home, so we surprised him and sang “happy birthday!”^^^

daves bday 030^^^obligatory b-day picture with your wife^^^

bday7^^^Surf day, because the waves were perfect and so was the weather^^^

bday4^^^We went out for hibachi for dinner, and almost lost our eyebrows:)^^^

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beach grillin’

beachbbqandsalad 002 I’ve mentioned before that my husband works around the clock, 7 days a week.  Okay, I might be exaggerating a tad, but, seriously, a lot!  He finally got one whole day and night off this last week and we took full advantage of it.  I shared in this post, how we purchased a fun, new grill for the beach.  We tested that baby out, and she grilled like a dream.  It was seriously the best twenty bucks I’ve spent in a long time.  The weather was perfect, the atmosphere was great, and the company was beyond…

We grilled chicken and pineapple, with some yummy kabobs that we picked up from Trader Joe’s.  I love how Trader’s has so many already prepped items to chose from, perfect for an afternoon bbq.  Thanks for the good eats Trader’s.  And, most importantly, thanks, husband for taking one WHOLE day off!  I love you.

Hope everyone had a lovely solstice weekend!

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A fun night out

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Hi! I Hope everyone had a great weekend, we sure did!  We even had a little date night on Sunday.  We went to see the Steve Miller band, at the Santa Barbara Bowl.  The bowl, in my opinion, is one of the best places to see a concert.  It’s outside, the acoustics are great, and the venue is small.  Perfection in my book.  I’ll tell ya Steve still has it, completely.  The man is 69, maybe 70, and his voice sounded just like he did when started out, at the Fillmore in San Francisco.  Very impressive.  Oh, and our seats, thanks to the husband, were pretty much front and center.

Thanks, hubby.  I love you and our date nights!

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Happy Father’s day

Happy Father’s Day, to the best dad a daughter could ask for.  I know I haven’t always been the easiest, but you have always loved me unconditionally, and for that, I’m ever so grateful for you.  Have a wonderful day, I love you, dad!

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weekend shenanigans

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Last weekend we had the I Madonnari going on in Santa Barbara.  This is an Italian street painting festival, where local artists do different chalk drawings.  The festival is sponsored by local businesses.  It was held at the Santa Barbara Mission.  The Mission alone is a gorgeous site, and then, add all of these amazing artists’ drawings, and it was beautiful.  I got to go with my husband, which was a bonus, because as I’ve mentioned before, I never get to see him, due to his work.  I love when we get to spend days and nights together.  He’s my best friend.  Love you, husband.

Hope everyone had a lovely weekend!  Oh…I snapped a picture of the view we had from the Mission.  Santa Barbara, we sure love your beauty.

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popsicles and chalk 030^^^The gnome was my favorite.  Isn’t he cute.^^^

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popsicles and chalk 016^^^This was my second favorite. 3-D^^^

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popsicles and chalk 046^^^The beautiful Mission^^^

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Weekend Shenanigans

Hope everyone had a wonderful weekend!  We were busy, good busy.  The mister was working all weekend, but I was playing.  the weather was gorgeous.  I got to celebrate a friend’s birthday, attend a tea and crumpet gathering,  a fabulous dinner at this place, and go to the beach.

This was my first time going to a tea and crumpet party.  Crumpets, which are a mix between a pancake and an english muffin, are pretty darn good.  If you’d like to try them, you can purchase already made ones, at trader Joe’s.  They’re pretty much a carb overload, but, who doesn’t love that!  I was also part of a very special celebration this weekend, for a very special lady.  So proud of you, Stephanie.  Then Sunday rolled around, and it was time to hit the beach for a little r&r.  So we gathered some folks together and made a fun day out of it.  Thanks, friends.

I feel so grateful to be surrounded by such amazing people, today.  Who knew life could be this good!

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Disneyland Fun!

last week we ventured down to Disneyland.  We went down with a bunch of family, and had a great time!  I haven’t been to Disneyland since I was a little girl.  The rides, the junk food, the characters, it was all so fun to see.  We had 3 little kids with us, and the look on their faces was priceless when we entered the park.  It was the best part of my day, seeing their excitement!  Our first day we went to the park around 10, and the we snuck out around 3:30, while everyone else stayed until 9pm.  Dave and I stayed back the second day, while everyone else went from 10-10pm.  I couldn’t do another day, I was beat.  Disneyland is fun, but exhausting.  I was completely over stimulated, and we needed to get back to Santa Barbara, so we left on Friday.  What impressed me most, and maybe it’s because we don’t have kids, or maybe it’s because these kids are really good, is that the 3 littles with us, went all day with no whining or crying all day!  All in all it was a great time!  What would be awesome is if you lived in Anaheim and could get the yearly pass, and go whenever you want.  Now that would be cool!

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Happy Mother’s Day!

018 Happy mother’s day to all of you courageous women out there, including my own mother.  Mom, you are the most amazing woman I know and I feel so lucky to have been blessed with you as my mother.  You exceed dignity in every way possible, you’re classy, sweet and strong, all at the same time.

  I love you!

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Something That Hits Close To Home

  As some of my readers may know or not know, infertility has been an issue in our household.  We have struggled, gave up, started again, gave up, started again, on and on and on.  It’s such a personal issue, that honestly if you haven’t gone through it, you should really start counting your blessings, and be thoroughly grateful.  I would never want this for my worst enemy.  I tend to read a lot of blogs, and many of them talk about infertility in their lives.  I came across this particular story that touched me so much I had to share.  The points made here are dead on.  Even if you don’t know someone who has struggled, you may in the future.  Times are getting hard, and doing things the good old fashioned way, just isn’t reality anymore.  If you are blessed and it does still work, you should be grateful for everyday that you have.   You are blessed!


it’s called infertility etiquette.

the article can be found here, on resolve.org, the website for the national infertility association.



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Chances are, you know someone who is struggling with infertility. More than seven million people of childbearing age in the United States experience infertility. Yet, as a society, we are woefully uninformed about how to best provide emotional support for our loved ones during this painful time.


Infertility is, indeed, a very painful struggle. The pain is similar to the grief over losing a loved one, but it is unique because it is a recurring grief. When a loved one dies, he isn’t coming back. There is no hope that he will come back from the dead. You must work through the stages of grief, accept that you will never see this person again, and move on with your life.


The grief of infertility is not so cut and dry. Infertile people grieve the loss of the baby that they may never know. They grieve the loss of that baby who would have had mommy’s nose and daddy’s eyes. But, each month, there is the hope that maybe that baby will be conceived after all. No matter how hard they try to prepare themselves for bad news, they still hope that this month will be different. Then, the bad news comes again, and the grief washes over the infertile couple anew. This process happens month after month, year after year. It is like having a deep cut that keeps getting opened right when it starts to heal.


As the couple moves into infertility treatments, the pain increases while the bank account depletes. The tests are invasive and embarrassing to both parties, and you feel like the doctor has taken over your bedroom. And for all of this discomfort, you pay a lot of money.

A couple will eventually resolve the infertility problem in one of three ways:




  • They will eventually conceive a baby.
  • They will stop the infertility treatments and choose to live without children.
  • They will find an alternative way to parent, such as by adopting a child or becoming a foster parent.


Reaching a resolution can take years, so your infertile loved ones need your emotional support during this journey. Most people don’t know what to say, so they wind up saying the wrong thing, which only makes the journey so much harder for their loved ones. Knowing what not to say is half of the battle to providing support.





Don’t Tell Them to Relax


Everyone knows someone who had trouble conceiving but then finally became pregnant once she “relaxed.” Couples who are able to conceive after a few months of “relaxing” are not infertile. By definition, a couple is not diagnosed as “infertile” until they have tried unsuccessfully to become pregnant for a full year. In fact, most infertility specialists will not treat a couple for infertility until they have tried to become pregnant for a year. This year weeds out the people who aren’t infertile but just need to “relax.” Those that remain are truly infertile.


Comments such as “just relax” or “try going on a cruise” create even more stress for the infertile couple, particularly the woman. The woman feels like she is doing something wrong when, in fact, there is a good chance that there is a physical problem preventing her from becoming pregnant.


These comments can also reach the point of absurdity. As a couple, my husband and I underwent two surgeries, numerous inseminations, hormone treatments, and four years of poking and prodding by doctors. Yet, people still continued to say things like, “If you just relaxed on a cruise . . .” Infertility is a diagnosable medical problem that must be treated by a doctor, and even with treatment, many couples will NEVER successfully conceive a child. Relaxation itself does not cure medical infertility.





Don’t Minimize the Problem


Failure to conceive a baby is a very painful journey. Infertile couples are surrounded by families with children. These couples watch their friends give birth to two or three children, and they watch those children grow while the couple goes home to the silence of an empty house. These couples see all of the joy that a child brings into someone’s life, and they feel the emptiness of not being able to experience the same joy.


Comments like, “Just enjoy being able to sleep late . . . .travel . . etc.,” do not offer comfort. Instead, these comments make infertile people feel like you are minimizing their pain. You wouldn’t tell somebody whose parent just died to be thankful that he no longer has to buy Father’s Day or Mother’s Day cards. Losing that one obligation doesn’t even begin to compensate for the incredible loss of losing a parent. In the same vein, being able to sleep late or travel does not provide comfort to somebody who desperately wants a child.





Don’t Say There Are Worse Things That Could Happen


Along the same lines, don’t tell your friend that there are worse things that she could be going through. Who is the final authority on what is the “worst” thing that could happen to someone? Is it going through a divorce? Watching a loved one die? Getting raped? Losing a job?


Different people react to different life experiences in different ways. To someone who has trained his whole life for the Olympics, the “worst” thing might be experiencing an injury the week before the event. To someone who has walked away from her career to become a stay-at-home wife for 40 years, watching her husband leave her for a younger woman might be the “worst” thing. And, to a woman whose sole goal in life has been to love and nurture a child, infertility may indeed be the “worst” thing that could happen.


People wouldn’t dream of telling someone whose parent just died, “It could be worse: both of your parents could be dead.” Such a comment would be considered cruel rather than comforting. In the same vein, don’t tell your friend that she could be going through worse things than infertility.





Don’t Say They Aren’t Meant to Be Parents


One of the cruelest things anyone ever said to me is, “Maybe God doesn’t intend for you to be a mother.” How incredibly insensitive to imply that I would be such a bad mother that God felt the need to divinely sterilize me. If God were in the business of divinely sterilizing women, don’t you think he would prevent the pregnancies that end in abortions? Or wouldn’t he sterilize the women who wind up neglecting and abusing their children? Even if you aren’t religious, the “maybe it’s not meant to be” comments are not comforting. Infertility is a medical condition, not a punishment from God or Mother Nature.





Don’t Ask Why They Aren’t Trying IVF


In vitro fertilization (IVF) is a method in which the woman harvests multiple eggs, which are then combined with the man’s sperm in a petri dish. This is the method that can produce multiple births. People frequently ask, “Why don’t you just try IVF?” in the same casual tone they would use to ask, “Why don’t you try shopping at another store?”





Don’t Be Crude


It is appalling that I even have to include this paragraph, but some of you need to hear this-Don’t make crude jokes about your friend’s vulnerable position. Crude comments like “I’ll donate the sperm” or “Make sure the doctor uses your sperm for the insemination” are not funny, and they only irritate your friends.





Don’t Complain About Your Pregnancy


This message is for pregnant women-Just being around you is painful for your infertile friends. Seeing your belly grow is a constant reminder of what your infertile friend cannot have. Unless an infertile women plans to spend her life in a cave, she has to find a way to interact with pregnant women. However, there are things you can do as her friend to make it easier.


The number one rule is DON’T COMPLAIN ABOUT YOUR PREGNANCY. I understand from my friends that, when you are pregnant, your hormones are going crazy and you experience a lot of discomfort, such as queasiness, stretch marks, and fatigue. You have every right to vent about the discomforts to any one else in your life, but don’t put your infertile friend in the position of comforting you.


Your infertile friend would give anything to experience the discomforts you are enduring because those discomforts come from a baby growing inside of you. When I heard a pregnant woman complain about morning sickness, I would think, “I’d gladly throw up for nine straight months if it meant I could have a baby.” When a pregnant woman would complain about her weight gain, I would think, “I would cut off my arm if I could be in your shoes.”


I managed to go to baby showers and hospitals to welcome my friends’ new babies, but it was hard. Without exception, it was hard. Stay sensitive to your infertile friend’s emotions, and give her the leeway that she needs to be happy for you while she cries for herself. If she can’t bring herself to hold your new baby, give her time. She isn’t rejecting you or your new baby; she is just trying to work her way through her pain to show sincere joy for you. The fact that she is willing to endure such pain in order to celebrate your new baby with you speaks volumes about how much your friendship means to her.


{something i’d like to add: be the one to tell your infertile friend that you’re pregnant. if you’re close enough to invite her to your baby shower, you’re close enough to tell her in person that you’re pregnant. don’t do it with lots of other people around, tell her in a place that if need be, she can excuse herself for some privacy – most likely to cry. she’ll just be sad that she’s not the one pregnant. don’t let her find out from other friends or for goodness sake, facebook of all places. if you value her friendship, be a friend and tell her yourself.}





Don’t Treat Them Like They Are Ignorant


For some reason, some people seem to think that infertility causes a person to become unrealistic about the responsibilities of parenthood. I don’t follow the logic, but several people told me that I wouldn’t ache for a baby so much if I appreciated how much responsibility was involved in parenting.


Let’s face it-no one can fully appreciate the responsibilities involved in parenting until they are, themselves, parents. That is true whether you successfully conceived after one month or after 10 years. The length of time you spend waiting for that baby does not factor in to your appreciation of responsibility. If anything, people who have been trying to become pregnant longer have had more time to think about those responsibilities. They have also probably been around lots of babies as their friends started their families.


Perhaps part of what fuels this perception is that infertile couples have a longer time to “dream” about what being a parent will be like. Like every other couple, we have our fantasies-my child will sleep through the night, would never have a tantrum in public, and will always eat his vegetables. Let us have our fantasies. Those fantasies are some of the few parent-to-be perks that we have-let us have them. You can give us your knowing looks when we discover the truth later.





Don’t Gossip About Your Friend’s Condition


Infertility treatments are very private and embarrassing, which is why many couples choose to undergo these treatments in secret. Men especially are very sensitive to letting people know about infertility testing, such as sperm counts. Gossiping about infertility is not usually done in a malicious manner. The gossipers are usually well-meaning people who are only trying to find out more about infertility so they can help their loved ones.


Regardless of why you are sharing this information with someone else, it hurts and embarrasses your friend to find out that Madge the bank teller knows what your husband’s sperm count is and when your next period is expected. Infertility is something that should be kept as private as your friend wants to keep it. Respect your friend’s privacy, and don’t share any information that your friend hasn’t authorized.





Don’t Push Adoption (Yet)


Adoption is a wonderful way for infertile people to become parents. (As an adoptive parent, I can fully vouch for this!!) However, the couple needs to work through many issues before they will be ready to make an adoption decision. Before they can make the decision to love a “stranger’s baby,” they must first grieve the loss of that baby with Daddy’s eyes and Mommy’s nose. Adoption social workers recognize the importance of the grieving process. When my husband and I went for our initial adoption interview, we expected the first question to be, “Why do you want to adopt a baby?” Instead, the question was, “Have you grieved the loss of your biological child yet?” Our social worker emphasized how important it is to shut one door before you open another.


You do, indeed, need to grieve this loss before you are ready to start the adoption process. The adoption process is very long and expensive, and it is not an easy road. So, the couple needs to be very sure that they can let go of the hope of a biological child and that they can love an adopted baby. This takes time, and some couples are never able to reach this point. If your friend cannot love a baby that isn’t her “own,” then adoption isn’t the right decision for her, and it is certainly not what is best for the baby.


Mentioning adoption in passing can be a comfort to some couples. (The only words that ever offered me comfort were from my sister, who said, “Whether through pregnancy or adoption, you will be a mother one day.”) However, “pushing” the issue can frustrate your friend. So, mention the idea in passing if it seems appropriate, and then drop it. When your friend is ready to talk about adoption, she will raise the issue herself.


So, what can you say to your infertile friends? Unless you say “I am giving you this baby,” there is nothing you can say that will erase their pain. So, take that pressure off of yourself. It isn’t your job to erase their pain, but there is a lot you can do to lesson the load. Here are a few ideas.





Let Them Know That You Care


The best thing you can do is let your infertile friends know that you care. Send them cards. Let them cry on your shoulder. If they are religious, let them know you are praying for them. Offer the same support you would offer a friend who has lost a loved one. Just knowing they can count on you to be there for them lightens the load and lets them know that they aren’t going through this alone.





Remember Them on Mother’s Day


With all of the activity on Mother’s Day, people tend to forget about women who cannot become mothers. Mother’s Day is an incredibly painful time for infertile women. You cannot get away from it-There are ads on the TV, posters at the stores, church sermons devoted to celebrating motherhood, and all of the plans for celebrating with your own mother and mother-in-law.


Mother’s Day is an important celebration and one that I relish now that I am a mother. However, it was very painful while I was waiting for my baby. Remember your infertile friends on Mother’s Day, and send them a card to let them know you are thinking of them. They will appreciate knowing that you haven’t “forgotten” them.





Support Their Decision to Stop Treatments


No couple can endure infertility treatments forever. At some point, they will stop. This is an agonizing decision to make, and it involves even more grief. Even if the couple chooses to adopt a baby, they must still first grieve the loss of that baby who would have had mommy’s nose and daddy’s eyes.


Once the couple has made the decision to stop treatments, support their decision. Don’t encourage them to try again, and don’t discourage them from adopting, if that is their choice. Once the couple has reached resolution (whether to live without children, adopt a child, or become foster parents), they can finally put that chapter of their lives behind them. Don’t try to open that chapter again.





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Article was found here.
Also, if you do have a little one, you must buy these for them.   

               

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