sadness

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I know the title of this post probably isn’t one that you want to jump on reading, but sometimes in the blogging world I feel like its good to read an honest, raw post.  The other day my parents called me to ask about a girl from my hometown.  She had died, she was 34, and the mother of 3 children.  She had committed suicide.  Supposedly there were no signs of her sadness, but to be honest I have no idea, nor is it any of my business. It just happened to make me stop and really think how precious this life is that we are living in.  It also made me so sad that she was so sad, and felt that lonely.

That’s our society though, and that infuriates me more than anything.  Push it under the rug, and ignore it. We live by, “there is always something or someone far worse”.  But, is there really? If you’ve never dealt with anxiety or depression, count your lucky stars.  The shit is no joke! And something that shouldn’t be hidden, but very often is. Families are ashamed or embarrassed, or sometimes even call it a selfish act(suicide).  But, in reality it needs to be spoken about to raise awareness.

I remember having a miscarriage (another push under the rug thing), I was so sad and didn’t know what or who to turn to, and thank god, found someone who I didn’t even know, via the internet.  She helped me immensely.  I’ve had a small case of anxiety my whole life, nothing tragic, but could have easily gotten there. I’ve always tried to self soothe, which is what I think we all do to some degree. ie. drinking, drugging, shopping, eating, exercising, etc…

After having my daughter, I felt really good. Then around 6 months, I would fall in and out of anxiety. feelings I couldn’t help. (postpartum, another very serious issue) I have a great life, a great husband, I live where most people would dream to live, everything is great! But, these were feelings I couldn’t explain.  Even today I still fight with those demons. My head can be a dangerous place. But, today I have people I can reach out to. I have friends who I trust and tell everything to, even when I am feeling sad or full of anxiety.  I’m not embarrassed to talk about it, or ashamed, or too good, or even too proud. Today, even on my saddest days (which are definitely more rare), I know everything will be ok.

I could go on and on about this topic. How social media affects people, holding grudges against people for years, especially when you have no idea what they are going through, judging and not knowing, family pressures, being better than, etc…

Whatever happened to being just a decent human being and loving someone for exactly who and how they are. We ALL have character defects, but essentially we are all one.  Maybe reach your arm out to that one person you normally wouldn’t. Because you never know who may need you when you least expect it, and you may never know when there won’t be a tomorrow for them. Life is so precious.

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2 Responses to sadness

  1. Jennifer Tomarelli June 18, 2015 at 12:32 pm #

    A good one! 🙂

  2. Jennifer Tomarelli June 18, 2015 at 12:36 pm #

    Oh gosh, that probably sounds very insensitive. I’m sorry to hear about the loss of a friend.

    But the several paragraphs after that really spoke to me. We aren’t honest enough.

    I appreciate that you are.

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