I’m not the type of woman who has always wanted children. I had a business for years, and that was my child. I was happy, and plenty busy with that. I’ve never been the type of person that felt like a child would complete my life, I was happy with me and what I already had. I’ve never been the type to dwell about motherhood or have the feeling that “I was put on this earth to be a mom”, I was happy just living.
I had watched other moms dote on their children, and completely forget about their husband. I had watched other moms try to form their small child into what “they” wanted, instead of letting the child develop into themselves. I had watched other moms stress out about what their child ate, drank, wore, and on and on and on… Quite frankly, it turned me off from motherhood. It was everything I DIDN’T want to do!
Then…then I met my husband who happened to be a bit older than me, 9 years to be exact. I was reaching 32, and still wasn’t sure what I wanted. I had sold my business, and felt like I needed to get to know myself again, like truly get to know myself. But, I liked this guy, he seemed solid, mature, and stable. So I went for it, slowly. Taking things slow was something new for me, by the way.
Fast forward, I’m 36, he is 45 and we are having our first baby. Scared? Sure. Excited? Yes! Doubtful? No. Ready? Ready as we will ever be.
I’m currently 4 months away from having our first child. Some days it seems not real. It wasn’t easy for us to conceive our baby, it took time, work and energy. But, damn it, we did it, and I couldn’t be more proud of both of us.
I’m excited to become a mom, something I never thought I would say. I’m also nervous, but I know deep down I will be the best mom I can possibly be. I also know that I want my child to be the person “they” want to be, even though I’m sure it’s just instinctual to want to show them, teach them, and even boss them. I also know my husband will come first, and our child we will raise together.
I never knew you could feel so much love for something that is not even here yet, but it’s true, you can! I also never knew that some people have to work harder than others to get something they never even knew they wanted, but I know now.
I also know that all of my selfish tactics, and endless babble about nothing, will need to disappear, and my focus will be on my husband and our small child. I couldn’t be happier that I waited 36 years to find the right partner to conceive this child with.
Dave, I know that we will be the best parents we can possibly be, and that no one or nothing will take that joy from us. We made a pac 3 years ago of our goals in life and we have already accomplished so many in such a short amount of time. When baby J gets here, there will be 3 of us, to continue on the journey we have ahead of us.
Baby J, mommy and daddy love you unconditionally, and we are waiting patiently to meet you.