an honest post about pre-motherhood

pregnancy

I’m not the type of woman who has always wanted children.  I had a business for years, and that was my child.  I was happy, and plenty busy with that.  I’ve never been the type of person that felt like a child would complete my life, I was happy with me and what I already had.  I’ve never been the type to dwell about motherhood or have the feeling that “I was put on this earth to be a mom”, I was happy just living.

I had watched other moms dote on their children, and completely forget about their husband.  I had watched other moms try to form their small child into what “they” wanted, instead of letting the child develop into themselves.  I had watched other moms stress out about what their child ate, drank, wore, and on and on and on… Quite frankly, it turned me off from motherhood.  It was everything I DIDN’T want to do!

Then…then I met my husband who happened to be a bit older than me, 9 years to be exact.  I was reaching 32, and still wasn’t sure what I wanted.  I had sold my business, and felt like I needed to get to know myself again, like truly get to know myself.  But, I liked this guy, he seemed solid, mature, and stable.  So I went for it, slowly.  Taking things slow was something new for me, by the way.

Fast forward, I’m 36, he is 45 and we are having our first baby.  Scared? Sure.  Excited? Yes! Doubtful? No.  Ready? Ready as we will ever be.

I’m currently 4 months away from having our first child.  Some days it seems not real.  It wasn’t easy for us to conceive our baby, it took time, work and energy. But, damn it, we did it, and I couldn’t be more proud of both of us.

I’m excited to become a mom, something I never thought I would say.  I’m also nervous, but I know deep down I will be the best mom I can possibly be.  I also know that I want my child to be the person “they” want to be, even though I’m sure it’s just instinctual to want to show them, teach them, and even boss them.  I also know my husband will come first, and our child we will raise together.

I never knew you could feel so much love for something that is not even here yet, but it’s true, you can!  I also never knew that some people have to work harder than others to get something they never even knew they wanted, but I know now.

I also know that all of my selfish tactics, and endless babble about nothing, will need to disappear, and my focus will be on my husband and our small child.  I couldn’t be happier that I waited 36 years to find the right partner to conceive this child with.

Dave, I know that we will be the best parents we can possibly be, and that no one or nothing will take that joy from us. We made a pac 3 years ago of our goals in life and we have already accomplished so many in such a short amount of time. When baby J gets here, there will be 3 of us, to continue on the journey we have ahead of us.

Baby J, mommy and daddy love you unconditionally, and we are waiting patiently to meet you.

xo

 

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5 Responses to an honest post about pre-motherhood

  1. Luisa January 10, 2014 at 10:05 pm #

    Hi there! Congrats on your first! You are not alone with your feelings. I was never that wanna-be mother and even when things began to get serious with my now husband, I made sure that he understood my feelings. Then, it is amazing how things change. We married at 30 and now at 32 we are expecting our first next month. We…I…am scared to death, but also excited to share the love that we have. Like you, I plan to always put my husband first. The love between mom and dad is the best present a child can ever get. Enjoyed your post! Visiting from The Wiegands.

    • Nicole January 10, 2014 at 10:17 pm #

      Thanks for your sweet note, Luisa. Congrats to you and your husband as well! xx

  2. Kacy January 10, 2014 at 11:46 pm #

    why do you think i waited until i was 39 to have my first? i know how you feel. And you’ll be a great mom! Cant wait to see pics!

  3. Brenda January 11, 2014 at 12:20 am #

    I love this post. I am a mother of 3 girls 11, 5, and 2. I got pregnant with my first right away( I guess being drunk and on a Mexican cruise helped, right?) my second not so easy. It took me 6 years, fertility drugs, surgery, the loss of a pregnancy( twins) you wanna talk scared. My husband and I thought, holy shit twins? But six years later, I had my Marley and then Jade 2 years later. I am fortunate to stay home with them and then some days I wish I could go to work. I have to tell you, I love how you think. I’m not a mom who worries about what their kids eat. There are days that if they want Doritos for breakfast, here you go. As long as they have something in their tummy. With your first everyone is going to tell you what and how you should do it. Go with your gut and do whatever you need to do to survive. Trust me its all about SURVIVAL. There are days my husband and I hide in the closet from them and kiss each other and just tell one another we wish we could disappear and go on a vacation. And then there are the days were they wake up next to you and just smile and tell you they love you. That’s the best. So all I can say is good luck to you and your husband and remember to just breathe and if you need to catch a moment, there is always the closet.

    Brenda 🙂

  4. Ania January 11, 2014 at 12:34 am #

    What a beautifully written tribute to Dave and Baby J. I am extremely happy for you and looking forward to meeting the new addition to your already wonderful family.
    Love you with all my heart!

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